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Cameron loses / has lost the debate on EU - European Union


What has the EU ever done for us?

David Cameron argues against greater European integration



David Cameron: They've bled us white, the bastards. And what have they ever given us in return?

Nick Clegg: Well, the single market, you know. That's a pretty good idea. There are no tariffs on UK products sold in Europe.

David Cameron: Oh yeah, yeah they gave us that. Yeah. That's true.

Gordon Brown: And they've got rid of borders in Europe. We can work and live wherever we like in any European country. No problem.

Nick Clegg: Oh yes... movement within Europe, David, you remember what travel used to be like: "Take out your passport." "Why are you here?" and all that. Much better now.

David Cameron: All right, I'll grant you the single market and free travel are two things that Europe has done...

Nick Clegg: And what about the great European food. We'd still be eating boiled cabbage. Italian food, French, Spanish. Lovely grub. Where would Jaimie Oliver be?

David Cameron: (sharply) Well yes obviously the food... the food goes without saying. No one wants to go back to what we had before. But apart from the single market, free travel, and better food ... Actually, my black man in Plymouth shops at Lidl. Yes, that's true.

Gordon Brown: Joint action and cooperation on the environment, security, poverty, finance human rights. It's hard to get things done on our own you know. We're just a little island David. The Chinese and US could easily ignore us.

Nick Clegg: Don't forget Judicial cooperation and access to social security and health in other European countries...

David Cameron: Yes... all right, fair enough...

Nick Clegg: And the wine. Mmmm. I love French wine. But Rioja is very good too...and quite affordable.

Gordon Brown: Oh yes! That's true! How about the beer. Belgian beer.

Nick Clegg: Yeah. That's something we'd really miss if we left the EU, David.

Gordon Brown: More jobs! 3.5 million depend on the EU! That's nothing to sniff at.

Nick Clegg: Monetary stability.

Gordon Brown: Greater worker protection. Not up your street Dave, but hard to argue against. More attention paid to human social and sexual rights. (You've got a few dodgy mates in Europe Dave). Then there's European wide consumer protection, joint research projects. Scientific advance, the Hadron Collider, Airbus. Oh this list goes on.

David Cameron: You leave my mates in Latvia alone Gordon. O.K. I take your points, but apart from the single market, the freedom to live and work anywhere in Europe, good food and wine, joint action on the environment security, judicial matters, social security and health cover abroad, many more jobs, better consumer protection joint research projects and more attention being paid to human rights, you tell me: What has the European Union ever done for us?

Nick Clegg: Brought peace! Democratic stability. Don't forget we had two world wars start in Europe. Now we are all getting along much better - more or less.

David Cameron: (very angry, he's not having a good debate at all) What!? Oh... (scornfully) Peace, yes... rubbish!

.

.

[ With apologies to Monty Python and John Crace]

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Comments

dan pearce said…
Lovely!
More of this please...
Saturday, 24 April, 2010
James Tweedie said…
The so-called borderless EU is a joke! I'm excluded from public services here. I can't claim unemployment benefit and if I want to get married I have to pay through the nose at the British Consulate to get the required documents, which are free in Britain. So bollocks to the EU!
Sunday, 25 April, 2010
Philip Hall said…
I think, logically speaking, what you are putting forward James is a very cogent argument for greater, more consistent, integration.

To be more precise: Bollocks to the lack of integration in the EU?
Sunday, 25 April, 2010
James Tweedie said…
The point is that the freedom of movement of capital, goods and services in the EU only exists to, and as far as it, benefits big business. It does not exist to benefit ordinary working people like me and it never will.
Tuesday, 27 April, 2010
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